Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
