i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
