Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
