peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
