hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
they're like a gay fantastic four
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
