Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
