shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
