yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
where are you?
Hypothermia
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
