I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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