apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
