paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
