we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
