idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
