u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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