You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
