If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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