I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
