life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
