you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
