oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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