Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
