i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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