frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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