wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
