Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
