Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
