i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think my vagina is haunted
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
