id be glad to
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
