i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
