i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
