drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
