I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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