:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize