I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
