Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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