I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
