life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
