before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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