We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can I color on your dick again?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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