I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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