Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
