I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
