The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
