his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
