That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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