You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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