I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
