Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
