thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
