I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
