Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Two words: blizzard sex
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize