it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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