i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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