4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
