escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We are all done wearing pants today
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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