Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
