no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there was a trapeze. enough said
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
