Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
