first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
