The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize