he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize