Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
