theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
