1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
