I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
