You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
