I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Your penis caused this!
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