for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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