New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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