Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize