Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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